The Dark Night of the Runner’s Soul

I never wanted to be one of those bloggers. You know the type, the kind who begin an entry with that tired old cliché, Sorry it’s been so long since my last post (136,000 hits on Google). And yet, well, here I am.

So I won’t repeat that phrase; nor will I offer the litany of excuses (e.g., work has been really busy lately — 66,000 hits), although they are at least, in part, true. There is another explanation for my recent lack of blogging productivity, one that, conveniently enough, has to do with both faith and running: Lack of inspiration.

And this ties in well with a post I recently saw on one of my jaunts through the running blogosphere, Lost – The Zen of Running over at Between the Miles. There, Kara writes, “(Running) was my sanctuary. A motion, a place, a time all my own. Now it feels like a chore. And I mean chore! I’m breathing heavy, my heart rate is up – I just want to stop running and walk!”

I’m sure we can all relate. And while I wouldn’t go so far as to say I find blogging a chore, I will say that I have lately suffered from a lack of ideas. The well seems to be running dry.

As Kara can attest, this is a phenomenon that can afflict runners who seem to lose their running mojo. As anyone who’s married can tell you, it can also happen in marriage — when the thrill of romance gives way to the disillusionments of life. And, of course, as many great saints, from John of the Cross to Bl. Mother Teresa have shown, it can even happen in the spiritual life — the Dark Night of the Soul, when God allows the consolations of the Faith to leave us.

In the early days of our marriage, Mary Kate and I were very involved with Catholic Engaged Encounter (a group that puts on marriage-preparation retreats for engaged couples), where we learned about the cycle of romance-disillusionment-true joy. The idea, in a nutshell, is this: Romance is an emotion based on the thrill of novelty; it is, by its very nature, doomed to be short-lived. And, by extension, disillusionment is the inevitable consequence of the loss of romance. But true joy is what is achieved when the couple works through the disillusionment, and finds the satisfaction that can come only from sacrifice and self-giving. True joy is even more beautiful than romance, because it is more than just a rush or a feeling; it is a hard-earned accomplishment.

I suppose a similar phenomenon exists in running. We certainly see it in a long race — the rush of excitement at the beginning, the weariness mid-way, the exhaustion near the end, and the feeling of elation that comes with sticking it out and crossing the finish line. This is likely true, I suspect, about running in the macro sense — the runner who persists through the time of disillusionment will, eventually, achieve a greater level of joy than when he began.

So despair not, Kara. Keep putting one foot ahead of the other, and in due time, your “Zen” will return — or, more likely, something even better will take its place.

Just as the Dark Night of the Soul, as spiritually excruciating as it surely is, is itself only a precursor to the Dawn of Eternal Glory.

And hey — what do you know? — this subject just yielded me a blog post!