Running in Sorrow

Ultra-marathoner Dean Karnazes has a somber post up at his blog entitled Runner’s Low, which deals with an acquaintance of his — a fellow endurance racer — who committed suicide. Karnazes notes that depression is complex, and there probably is no single “reason” why this fellow took his life. But Karnazes can’t help wondering: Did running have something to do with it?

One of the most troubling aspects of this tragedy is that in every interaction I had with this individual, he was incredibly upbeat and energetic. … I never would have suspected that he harbored thoughts of taking his own life. Unfortunately, with suicide, I guess that’s not unusual … Endurance athletes can be prone to depression. We experience great emotional highs from doing what we love, but the post-event lows can sometimes be correspondingly devastating.

The story reminds me of a sad one from my own past. The first marathoner I ever knew was my best friend’s dad growing up. “Mr. C” ran like crazy. Every day, it seemed, for hours. He ran numerous marathons, including Boston. He was an avid cyclist, too. And like Dean Karnazes’ friend, he was incredibly upbeat — truly one of the most jocular, funny people I have ever met.

But unbeknownst to most, he struggled with depression. And one day about a dozen years ago, he lost his job. That drove him over the edge. He, too, killed himself.

Unlike the case Karnazes cites, I don’t think Mr. C was suffering from “runners’ low.” But I do wonder if his constant training wasn’t some form of self-medication. Maybe he needed those endorphins to keep him balanced.

This is something most of us runners can relate to. We know the good feelings that come with regular workouts, and that sense of “going crazy” we experience when we have gone a few days too many without a run. There is, indeed, such a thing as a runner’s high, and running can, in its own way, be addictive.

Innately, there is nothing bad about this. God designed our bodies this way, and the healthy benefits of exercise, both physical and psychological, are gifts. But like all His gifts in a fallen world, they can be corrupted or abused. Likewise, they can be made into false gods of a sort — when the runner starts living only for the run itself. In the life of the Christian, all good things, be it running or anything else, must be oriented around God and serving His will, or they cease to be good at all. The runner needs God as much as anyone — especially whe he is feeling strong, independent, and invincible.

Let’s keep Karnazes’ friend and Mr. C in our prayers: Dear Lord, please bring Your eternal peace to these fallen runners and please console their loved ones and families. Amen.